Once again a restless night. Haunted by the dread of disappointment, anger, and hopelessness. When will I stop hoping for a different outcome? When will I look into your eyes and not see sorrow? Will I ever have you back?
I fear for you in the realist way my heart can feel. I know you’re scared and lost. I know you don’t want to be like this. Yet, I hold your hand begging and pleading and all I see is emptiness in your eyes. Complete abandon. I’m scared for me too. Terrified I’ll end up the same. It’s in my blood. Coursing through my veins just waiting until I’m weak enough to let the demon take control.
I don’t want to be this. I don’t want to watch this. I don’t want to lose anymore. Haven’t we all lost enough? I can’t save you. Hope is always my greatest heartbreak. I remember the way you were and physically hurt from the pain of losing that version of you. The only love great enough to save someone is self love.
You don’t live in the south and not have a story or two to tell. Being a southern woman you have to hold your own. I’ve been part of some wild times with more to come – no doubt.
From the night with a southern Aryan Brotherhood and being initiated into a biker gang…..take into account I’ve never had a motorcycle or wanted to be part of said gang…but you kinda don’t say no. To nights fishing in the gator infested swampsland of Texas and camping in that Airstream for like 2 weeks. Been completely knocked over by the waves of the Gulf of Mexico.
-Had bonfires bigger than a two story house and drank illegal moonshine
….got waaaaay drunker than I can recall. There’s that time in New Orleans at the French Quarter tattoo shop to street raced with a group of mexicans. I’ve explored abandoned theme parks and insane asylums. I’ve been spelunking and lost on the river….a few times. 😉
I was broke down in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma for half a day…and that was before cellphones! I’ve been caught up in quite a few tornadoes…which is still one of my biggest fear to this day!
I’ve carried a gun for safety, needless to say I’ve put a few people in their place.
Let me tell y’all somethin’, being a sassy woman is in the south is a must. I’ve grown to be strong willed and very much southern. I’ve got all the stories to go along with it! 😉