Boy, Have I Got A Story For You

You don’t live in the south and not have a story or two to tell. Being a southern woman you have to hold your own. I’ve been part of some wild times with more to come – no doubt.

From the night with a southern Aryan Brotherhood and being initiated into a biker gang…..take into account I’ve never had a motorcycle or wanted to be part of said gang…but you kinda don’t say no. To nights fishing in the gator infested swampsland of Texas and camping in that Airstream for like 2 weeks. Been completely knocked over by the waves of the Gulf of Mexico.

-Had bonfires bigger than a two story house and drank illegal moonshine
….got waaaaay drunker than I can recall. There’s that time in New Orleans at the French Quarter tattoo shop to street raced with a group of mexicans. I’ve explored abandoned theme parks and insane asylums. I’ve been spelunking and lost on the river….a few times. 😉

I was broke down in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma for half a day…and that was before cellphones! I’ve been caught up in quite a few tornadoes…which is still one of my biggest fear to this day!

I’ve carried a gun for safety, needless to say I’ve put a few people in their place.

Let me tell y’all somethin’, being a sassy woman is in the south is a must. I’ve grown to be strong willed and very much southern. I’ve got all the stories to go along with it! 😉

In a Southern Woman’s State of Mind

 

Hey y’all! I’m fixinto get real southern on ya! Here in the south there is never a lack of creativity when it comes to our use of words. Where sass and charm are a way of life and slow talkin’ is an art, the southern accent makes it irresistable. We have a sayin’ for just about every occasion and we know the value of catchin’ more flies with honey than vinegar. If you wanna work on your southern drawl just silence the last “g” of most words and you’ll fit right in!

There’s no such thing as strangers in the south, just friends you haven’t met yet. Greetin’ someone is almost always accompanied by a warm hug and some charmin’ phrase immediately making you feel welcome! You’ll hear things like: “how’s your mom’n’em?”, “gimme some sugah”, and “well, aren’t you cute as a button?!”

A southern girl is sweet as cherry pie and she can charm dew off the honey suckle. Believe me when I say, she’ll use it to get jus’ about anything she wants. As sure as water flows down hill she’ll make you happier than a dead pig in the sunshine!

When she says “oh honey”, “sweetheart”, or “darlin” it’s either the most loving term of endearment or a dire warning. Dare to cross her and she’ll insult you without you even knowin’ it. Her level of sarcasm shouldn’t be downplayed by her sweet southern drawl. “Aren’t you precious” and “bless your heart” are not what you want to hear come out of her mouth. If she’s real mad she’ll say; “you’re as slow as molasses going up hill in winter.” or “you’re dumber than a box of rocks.”

PSX_20180405_091114

When it comes to southern mamas no one holds a candle to the respect she demands. You’ll have another thing comin’ if you’re ever feeling too big for your britches and decide not to say “yes, ma’am and no, ma’am” when talkin’ to your mama….or any woman for that matter! Oh, goodness gracious, if you get above your raisin’ and back talk she’ll cut eyes so deep she won’t even need to say words. You’ll make her madder than a wet hen and if you think she’s gonna put up with that you got another thing comin’! When mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!!!

There’s a difference between a “hissy fit” and a “conniption” and we don’t “have” them, we “pitch” em. She’ll tell ya to “hush your mouth and quit being ugly.” or she’ll “put a knot in your tail.”

Time is different here in the south. Saying goodbye always takes at least half an hour. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been there, it could be hours or days, she’ll always say “No need to run off. You just got here!” She’ll require no less than 3 hugs and somehow you will always end up taking home some kind of homemade leftovers. “You’re not gonna go home hungry.”

Bless your soul if you have to go back in because you forgot something….it all starts over. “Tell your mom’n’em hi for me”….more hugs…..”don’t be a stranger, come back any time hun!” “Call me when you’re home safe.” She’ll follow you out the door making sure you are completely out of sight before she’s done yellin’ bye 30 times from her front porch. “Don’t forget to call! love ya, bye hun!”

That’s just how its done in the south and it ain’t ever gonna change. Life just sounds so much better with a southern drawl and a little southern hospitality goes a long way! Chances are you’ll get more than just a lil’! I love all y’all! Come on back now ya hear! 😉