Letting the Good Outweigh the Bad

Hello again y’all! I felt it was time to get back into my blog posts. Sorry, for the absence of art goal updates and life things. I’ve just felt unable to write due to not even knowing how to organize my thoughts this last little bit. February not only concluded with the beginning of the COVID-19 virus spreading in the US and shut down of the world’s economy but, the passing of my Grandmother. Cancer and eventual liver failure finally gave way and took her. She was such an integral part of my childhood and someone that shaped who I am as a person. I am so grateful she was always there for me and miss her dearly.

March has passed and we are now in April. Despite everything right now it is an extremely joyous time of year for my family. Amelia is due any day now! My creativity and art production is truly at an all time high as well.

But, as it is for so many across the globe my mind has been completely consumed by the world wide virus pandemic COVID-19. With the shutting down of the kid’s school we’ve been discovering the world of online learning. We are adjusting to a new normal that has been forced upon us so suddenly. The kids are resilient and seem to be handing everything about this better than I am.

Not only has the spread of this virus changed our lives but, I am terrified of what the hospital visit with Amelia will be like and result in. I already know family and friends will not be able to join us for this wonderful time in our lives, but the mere thought of doing it alone, without my husband, is panic inducing. Although I am scared I have to remind myself to have faith in the medical team and respect that they will do the very best job they can to keep Ameila and myself safe.

So, now that I’ve acknowledged all the stress inducing issues surrounding life I’ll get to talkin’ about the goodness that is happening! And there has been so much!!!!

My and Amelia’s health is perfect! Which gives me peace of mind amid the scare of the virus. Although I am extremely ready to give birth I have had little to no unusual issues with this pregnancy! Josh and the kids are crazy excited to see her! I can’t wait to see how she changes our lives and what kind of little person she will become!

On another good note my art reception in Downtown Bentonville turned out awesome! Met some new people and got to talk shop with other fellow artists! Being part of the local community is so important to me and it made my heart happy!

Creatively I have been overwhelmed with the value and production of what I’ve been doing lately. The bourbon series has taken off so well that my time has been filled with creating art and sending it all over the country for others to enjoy! So much so that I haven’t had time to complete the 10 in the series for myself or continue on into another project! I know I haven’t stayed true to the original art goals I set but, I am not disappointed with my progress or what I’ve been accomplishing.

Below are some of the works I’ve completed! Not only including the bourbon art but, a few other pieces I’ve worked on. I’ve been trying really hard to get all of my commission work done before Amelia is born.

Now y’all are all caught up for the most part I’m going to do my very best to write updates more often and not cram so much into one post! I will end with a huge outpouring of love and support for everyone being affected by the virus, which at this point is the whole world. It is truly amazing to see communities support one another.

The generosity and love we all need to get through this is essential. My own family has seen it first hand. With our food truck being our livelihood, community is everything. So, thank you Northwest Arkansas for the love you’ve given us, as well as the donations we’ve received in our free meal program! We are able to provide food for anyone in need. My heart feels heavy but, very much hopeful! I love you world!

If anyone is interested in donating to help feed families contact @spuddoctors on Facebook and either make a donation through Venmo, over the phone, or by simply stopping by the food truck.

903 SW A st in Bentonville, Ar.479-257-0681

https://www.facebook.com/spuddoctors/

2 a.m. Thoughts

We all have secrets we hid. Sometimes we’re too afraid or ashamed to even admit to ourself. During college, the university I attended had a Post Secret like exhibit. All that passed were invited to contribute. I didn’t at the time, just observed and read.

I thought, what an inspiration -enlightening and beautiful. Some with art, most without. Even as a visual artist, I’ve always felt the words in post secret are the art. The truth is the inspiration found within people bearing their souls. How freeing it is to write down words you’d never speak from your mouth on paper for other’s to read. It makes you feel less alone. I have always loved reading post secrets and found such bravery in the ones who share. I recently shared -not one but, four secrets.

I guess life has caught up to me and I needed to feel free. Anxiety and panic attacks have recently got the best of me. I may hid it well enough most of the time but, I have inner struggles that are very hard to get through. Lately, it’s been much worse than I’d like to admit. Combined with my insomnia it’s too much.

After visiting a doctor and lining some things out, discussing options for how best to get through this hard period in my life -I discovered how much of my time was spent thinking about the past and its effects on me. Releasing some secrets into the universe and not keeping them to myself lightens my heart. It helps me on the path of healing.

Maybe more people should give it a try, what secret would you write to free yourself?

3 am thoughts

Such a strange time of day. Not night anymore but still not quite morning. Insomnia takes hold at times. Nothing helps. Nothing pulls its tight grip from my ever-thinking brain. Do life thoughts become more meaningful at 3am? Do artist become more artistic or creatives create more? Are we more prone to not sleeping? Or thinking more deeply?

So much randomness makes a home here. Body so still and wishing for sleep but, a head racing a thousand miles a minute. A conversation of cognitive dissonance between body and mind. A blessing and a curse this over active soul of mine.