2 a.m. Thoughts

We all have secrets we hid. Sometimes we’re too afraid or ashamed to even admit to ourself. During college, the university I attended had a Post Secret like exhibit. All that passed were invited to contribute. I didn’t at the time, just observed and read.

I thought, what an inspiration -enlightening and beautiful. Some with art, most without. Even as a visual artist, I’ve always felt the words in post secret are the art. The truth is the inspiration found within people bearing their souls. How freeing it is to write down words you’d never speak from your mouth on paper for other’s to read. It makes you feel less alone. I have always loved reading post secrets and found such bravery in the ones who share. I recently shared -not one but, four secrets.

I guess life has caught up to me and I needed to feel free. Anxiety and panic attacks have recently got the best of me. I may hid it well enough most of the time but, I have inner struggles that are very hard to get through. Lately, it’s been much worse than I’d like to admit. Combined with my insomnia it’s too much.

After visiting a doctor and lining some things out, discussing options for how best to get through this hard period in my life -I discovered how much of my time was spent thinking about the past and its effects on me. Releasing some secrets into the universe and not keeping them to myself lightens my heart. It helps me on the path of healing.

Maybe more people should give it a try, what secret would you write to free yourself?

Where Does Your True Happiness Lie?

Tell me all the things that make you smile! I mean really smile. The kind that you feel growing from within, finding its way to the corners of your mouth blooming like a flower upon your face. Bringing with it joy and usually, if not always, love.
It’s that in which our happiness lies. And isn’t it what we are all chasing? Happiness is a moment and not a destination. With the understanding of this statement I began to see the importance of these seemingly small moments of finding a smile creep across my face. Not small at all. Huge, grand, beautiful moments that make up a happy life. A life worth living. A life of smiles.

I find myself smiling with the warmth from a sunrise coming through my studio windows. In the thrill of creating something from nothing. With the infectious laugh from my son that fills a room. When the arms of my daughter wrapped around my neck from an unexpected hug while she tells me I’m the best mom ever. I smile from the nourishment of a meal lovingly cooked after a long day. In the excitement of bringing someone joy with an act of kindness. I love making the world a better place just by sharing the talents I am blessed with. Chasing a stunning sunset until all color has left the sky with stars in my eyes. Not a day passes that I do not find something within it that makes me truly smile. And with that I have to say that I have a happy life. Moment by moment is where my happiness lies. not a destination that is one day reached but, instead happiness in moments throughout the journey that make me smile the most.

I’ve found if it doesn’t raise a smile within you leave it. Life is too short. Life is too precious to spend it on things that aren’t meant for you. With that being said I also believe you should never regret things that make you smile, even if it no longer does. If for a blink of your eye you let something touch your soul enough to bring a smile to your face it was worth the thought and energy you put forth.

Chase all those smile things. Follow the sun. Cherish and give to the people you love. Happiness comes with the way you look at life. We all have sorrows that are deep and burdens to bear. We all have regrets and hardships that need dealt with but, in letting it fill your heart and weight you down you’ll never find yourself smiling at the things you love. Let things go and smile a bit more and in these moments you will find happiness.